Keeping My Day Job

My parents have a restaurant – it has been an ‘establishment’ in the neighborhood it’s in for over thirty years. It started as a restaurant and lounge, and through various renovations and changes in smoking laws, has finally transformed to a full bar. There are pool tables, dart boards, gambling terminals, and big screen TVs. Imagine your local neighborhood pub, now replace their crappy food with the best pizza you’ve ever had, and that’s what our restaurant is like.

My sisters and I basically grew up in that restaurant where we would answer phones, wash dishes, do any kind of food prep, bus tables and when we got older, actually be responsible to ‘manage’ the restaurant when we either opened or closed on weekends, giving our parents some much needed time off.

What we have never done though, is actually wait tables. I don’t know for sure but I imagine my parents’ motivation from keeping us from being actual servers was threefold. The first reason was that school and university were always the number one priority, and if we worked at the restaurant, we’d need to work late nights and wouldn’t be able to manage both. The second, reason was that none of us could hold a tray to save our lives, and would in reality be horrible servers. And finally, the most important reason we were never waitresses: if we started waiting tables, we would likely never stop because we’d be millionaires, and would never get a ‘real’ job!

This is something I always believed to be true, and now I know for sure.

Oh my God! Never feel sorry for the waitress who’s fifty and still working at the diner – she’s loaded! I understand there is a tradeoff – crappy hours, hard job physically, no benefits, etc. BUT! The tips – oh, the glorious tips! I discovered the money train that is the service industry when our bar tender quit because they were making the jump from bar tender to project manager at an oil firm. Which I've learned is code for, 'I have a drug problem and need to leave the city'. Because we were short staffed, I stepped into the role of bartender. I had done it numerous times before assisting the main bartender, but I’d never actually worked a shift on my own. Now I love it – I work on the slow nights – Mondays and Wednesdays, and my parents were right, if I had been doing this from the time I was in university, I’d never get a real job - the money even on the slow nights I work, is amazing - and I'm just the bartender. We have a waitress who actually went to school to become a teacher, but she has since left her day job and waitresses pretty much full time – I understand her motivation. Before there was judgment, now I’m in awe.

I worked again last night and that’s when it happened. The underbelly of bartending reared its ugly head. Somebody ‘walked out’ on me. Nooooooo! A regular came in and had a ‘date’ (and I use the term loosely) with him. He was ordering drinks, appetizers, food, he was having a great time at the bar. Then his bill comes and his credit card DECLINED, debit card DECLINED. I was so annoyed. He assured me he would be back to pay for his outstanding bill ($50.00), and I know that he’s good for it – he’s there every day practically, but the devastation of having to cover that bill to my own restaurant, was a weird feeling I’ll admit. So yes, although the money is good, you have to actually ensure that people can afford to pay their bill at the end of the night, otherwise you as their server are on the hook for it. Which brings me to my next question: why would anyone want to be a waitress?

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PS - I made the creme brulee. Pictures and blog post to follow this week!

Crème Brulee Fail

I was prepped and ready to go - I was going to tackle my to do list! I had my recipe photocopied and taped to my kitchen cabinet, all my ingredients ready to go, time blocked off in the morning to tackle the dish, and the resolve of champion fighter with something to prove. All that was left was for me to get the kitchen torch and the ramekin dishes. I felt if I was going to make crème brulee, I was going to do it properly and with the right tools so the kitchen torch was non negotiable for me. With regards to the ramekins, my subsequent downfall, I legitimately didn’t have anything that could act as a substitute in my pantry for them, so they were absolutely required, otherwise I would have to bake the crème brulee in cereal bowls, which would really take away from the whole presentation piece.

So off I quickly went to Williams-Sonoma to pick up the final pieces of my crème brulee puzzle, the kitchen torch and ramekins. I appreciate and understand fully that Williams-Sonoma is overpriced. I accept that walking into the store, and I know that I’m overpaying, but because I like the idea of that store, I don’t mind.

My experience with Williams-Sonoma is this: walk in, get distracted by the cute displays, pretty looking samples and overly helpful salespeople. I buy something I didn’t even know I needed (newsflash, I didn’t need it) and walk out not actually realizing what I've done, like I'm in some sort of fugue state. However when I was at the till paying for four ramekins and a kitchen torch, and the grandma working the register said the total was $181.65, I quickly snapped out of the fugue state and had a rare moment of lucidity in that store. I had to quickly decide - my own Sophie's Choice if you will - ramekins or kitchen torch? How does a mother choose between her children? Although it was difficult, I went with the kitchen torch, rightfully assuming that it would be harder to find that at another store, and parted ways with the ramekins. I scoured the rest of the mall to find a suitable substitution for the ramekins, and nothing. Devastation set in as I realized I would have to put the crème brulee on hold as now I was out of time – I would have to be at work shortly, and my hunt for ramekins would lead me to another mall twenty minutes out of my way to the poor mans Williams Sonoma - Crate & Barrel - to see if they had something that would work. Thankfully, they did, and for far less than $22 each. I will attempt again this weekend, I promise.

Preparations

So in preparation for my to do list, which I've decided to take very seriously, and you know, actually finish, not only have I devoted some major time to mental preparation - psyching myself up to deal with yeast and other sorts of preferements for the croissants and danishes, I have also devoted some serious time at Williams Sonoma. I need a kitchen torch for creme brulee, an indoor grill/panini maker for the pizza (I'm not about to fire up the entire BBQ for one piece of dough - let's get real here people), and anything else I stumble upon and can justify to myself. Like I said, I'm taking the list very seriously. All of this because this weekend, I am going to tackle creme brulee. I have a recipe from a French cook book, so you know it's going to be legit - not some bastardized version of creme brulee - plus the ingredients are listed by weight so you know they mean business. Note to self, I need a digital kitchen scale. 

I will post again with details of how it all went down, and hopefully some pictures too. I have a big fancy camera that I should get some use out of, even if I can't figure out how to turn the flash off. Wish me luck!

To Do List

As you can see by the list below, I don’t have huge aspirations, most of the things I want “to do” are food related. I will explain: I love baking and the idea of cooking, but always stick to the basics. I want to explore the millions of cook books I have and actually do some real baking/cooking. Everything else is sort of a mish mash of things I keep meaning to do, but never get around to.

The hot yoga, I have actually already done, but I stopped going and I should go back. I actually enjoyed sweating my brains out while doing awkward stretches in a room full of people. Even though I live literally one hour away from the Rocky Mountains I have never engaged in any sort of mountain/outdoor activity – hiking, skiing, snowboarding, etc. I’m an asshole. This is what my typical mountain experience looks like:

1) Go to the expensive hotel in town and indulge in an overly priced brunch that has anything and everything you could ever imagine. Usually I just want the bacon.

2) Walk to Starbucks and get a blended drink of some sort.

3) Stop at the fudgery that has been there forever and stock up on chocolate turtles and chocolate bark.

4) Arrive home and fall into a food induced coma.

As you can see, none of those activities involve getting on a mountain, or even walking in a pathway by the river. I stay on the sidewalk and in my car. So, I feel now is the time to make a change. I know that I will never actually get on skis – I am certain I would be cold and uncomfortable the whole time -  so I’ve resigned myself to going for a hike in the mountains. It’s basically just walking with better scenery, so I don’t know why I’ve waited so long.

Also, I’ve lowered my to do list to 15 items from the original 30 I had planned, and am also bumping up the timeline of before the age of thirty down to before Christmas. If it seriously takes me two years to clean out my basement, A & E may do a special on me.

1. Croissants
2. Danish
3. Macarons
4. Crème Brulee
5. Donuts
6. Grilled Pizza
7. Fried Chicken
8. Soutzoukakia
9. Kotopitakia
10. Pasta
11. Eclairs
12. Hot Yoga
13. Photography classes
14. Clean out my basement
15. Go hiking

Deadline: December 24, 2010

Here We Go! Again.

Hi, it’s me again. Sorry for the huge delay in posts. To be honest, I totally gave up, but I’m back now. I’ve given myself a pep talk and I think I’ll stick around this time. For some extra insurance, I, I thought I should write a list of three reasons I should commit to this, and when the inevitable time comes that I am looking for a quick exit, hopefully something on this list will pull me back. Here we go!

1. I need something to do that is free. Somehow I have managed to pick hobbies/creative outlets that have a huge price point. Some examples include the following:


- Photography – I have about $2500 in camera equipment and still don’t fully understand what manual focus is, why everyone is so against the flash feature and what an F stop is. I saw some nice pictures, told my husband I think I’d be good at it, and dove right in. Not to mention the never ending downward spiral this has caused: Photoshop software so I can edit my pictures and of course 30 hours of Photoshop classes so I can learn how to use the Photoshop software. All of this so I could take a picture of my niece and nephew and edit it in Photoshop Elements, the subsequent software I bought because I felt that Photoshop was too professional for me, and I was just a regular person that didn’t need all the bells and whistles.

- Baking – I love to bake, in fact my sisters and I have started a pseudo baking business from our home. That being said, we just started it. Like 6 months ago. For the last five years I have been buying every type of cookie sheet and muffin tray on the market.Do you need a cake pan? I have 6”, 8”, 10”, 12”, or 14” inches.Round, square, oval (I really needed an oval cake pan set?), orheart shaped? What about a good solid cook book? You need to have a good cake recipe or else the heart shaped cake you were going tomake in the 12” heart pan will be all for nothing. Good thing I have over 200 books to select one basic chocolate cake recipe from.

2. I need to be held accountable. If I keep a blog, there will be a written record of what I say and what I plan to do. In that regard, all of those ridiculous hobbies and projects that I’ve started and never finished - maybe I can shame myself into completing them! I have seen a feature in other blogs where they have a to do list. I think that is a great idea. I love making lists. Grocery and otherwise, so I think I will compile a list of things I want to do before I’m 30 –that doesn’t give me much more time – less than 2 years and post them on the site. Then, I will have ‘put it out there’ and be forced to do it. I can’t wait for my productivity to increase tenfold. I can’t imagine how sitting in front of a computer will actually increase my productivity, but I suppose anything is possible. First thing on the list of course, will be to create the list. See how I did that there? Stay tuned!

3. I.CAN.DO.THIS. I am a professional blog reader. I have discovered gems, and found total duds too, but when I read a blog, I always wonder why don’t I do this? So now, I’m doing it. And maybe I’ll totally suck, which quite frankly, I don’t think I will, but also, I’m posting on the WORLD WIDE WEB, not a community bulletin so if I do suck, I don’t think anyone will notice in the small corner of the Internet that I’m in. But I won’t suck.

I Love Television

I love television. I really do. I think it all began in university when I discovered Mighty Big TV (now Television Without Pity) while on a break in between classes. I thought that website was so funny (now, not so much – it’s lost a lot of its edge that made it so snarky in the first place) and that I could totally be a writer for that site. I wanted nothing more than to be a writer for that site. I emailed a few times, and never got anywhere, and stopped pursuing it (obviously didn’t want it that bad), but still read the site. It was through this site that I discovered shows that I normally wouldn’t give watch, and reveled in the fact that someone loved Dawson’s Creek cheesiness as much as I did. This site also fostered a “why can’t I do that” kind of attitude in me as well. Like, why can’t I write a book or a blog about something as inane as TV – these people aren’t smarter then me. And so I did. My friend and I decided that we would write a book about television characters that we loved, and see how they would fit in the ‘real’ world. A bit of an abstract idea, but we gave it a shot. And by gave it a shot, I mean, I wrote one blurb about one character and filed it under “The Book” – I don’t recall if my friend ever wrote anything, or if we only brainstormed a list of people we should write about. That was on October 19, 2007. Needless to say, we didn’t pursue the idea (I’m noticing this is a common theme), but here it is nonetheless.

Some things to note: I love The Shield. I thought it was the greatest show on television at the time, it still holds up well. When I originally wrote this, I had literally watched at least 3 seasons of it in a matter of six weeks – I was living and breathing Vic Mackey for a while, so it is pretty intense. I also turned my cousin on to the show and lent him the entire series on DVD – I’m still waiting to get it back.

I don't know about you, but when I find a kilo of uncut heroin in my glove compartment, the first guy I call is my neighborhood detective, Vic Mackey. Why do I call him, before say, Andy Sipowicz? Well, Andy would breathe heavily and wonder how the hell he's going to get me out of this mess, all the while thinking of how he is going to financially support his new daughter from his super hot and super younger girlfriend, Connie, especially since he's so close to retiring. Vic Mackey will deal with my problem with a clear head because he isn't worried about finances--he gave his ex wife 25 grand of stolen money to pay for their child to attend a specialized school for autistic children. Added bonus? If I am down trodden and really vulnerable, there is a good chance that he will probably take advantage of the situation and go down on me too – win win for everyone!

The morally ambiguous center of The Shield is just the man you need to take care of your problems if you don't have an issue with crossing the line every now and then and are okay with him pushing the limits, potentially framing someone else along the way, and committing at least 3 other crimes while trying to cover up the first one. Vic Mackey - you can't just call him Vic, it's Vic Mackey--is always willing to help the less bad people then the really bad people, as long as there is something in it for him (see: the Money Train of Season 4), he is the type of guy your mother told you to stay away from, but you knew that when the shit really hit the fan in your low income housing, he was the first guy your mom called--reason being? He gets shit done.

But like any super cop, he doesn't do it all alone. He has his Strike Team to help him do his work. Ronnie Gardocki is the computer savant of the team, and also had the pleasure of taking a hit for his fearless leader, Vic Mackey, when Armadillo, one of the Strike Team's adversaries of Season 3 burned part of Ronnie's face off using a stove. Shane Vandrell, someone you find yourself oddly attracted to, even though he has a severe overbite, is probably 120 pounds on his period, and is mildly racist is Vic Mackey's go to guy and confidante. He is my number 2 cop to call in case shit hits the fan--willing to go even further than Vic Mackey (spoiler alert: he killed the fourth member of the Strike Team, Curtis Lemansky, the true conscience of the show in the Season 5 finale to ensure his part in the Money Train heist was never revealed) to cover his -- and if he really likes you -- your tracks.

But does the world really need guys like these in law enforcement? Probably not, but does my pretend world, where the chance of someone planting drugs on me is indeed very real need it? Absolutely. They work the mean streets of Farmington, where there are barrios and street walkers, not the quiet streets of suburbia where there are Starbuck's and soccer moms. Which is why unfortunately, Vic Mackey is a necessary evil; he knows the difference between bad guys, and even badder guys, and is willing to do something about it.

Seriously, I love television. How can you not with guys like these?

A Pound of Butter

So over the weekend we had a cake order. It was exciting and terrifying all at once as these things usually are for me. Sheer terror in the fact that I hope we do a good job, and of course, that we don’t accidentally kill anyone and exciting in the fact that this was an order from someone removed from our regular circle of people and it would be a good opportunity to spread the word about our business. So after over committing to what we are actually capable of:

Customer: “I need a cake for my daughter’s seventh birthday party, and we are going swimming, so that that’s kind of a theme – so I guess a pool theme?”

Me: “Of course we can do that. I already have a few ideas that might work!”

Liar! I had no ideas that would work! Why? Why, did I say that? We are not professional cake decorators. Our cakes taste great, of that I am sure, but why didn’t I just say, “Actually we don’t really do huge cake decorations – we focus on celebration cakes and that’s it really”? I’m not totally useless – I did classes at the Michael’s Craft Store (snerk) through the Wilton Cake Decorating courses, plus I’ve taken other courses as well so I have some skills, but nothing at a professional level yet. We had already committed to a pool party cake, and that is what they were going to get.

I had prepared everything at the restaurant and brought it home to actually decorate with my sisters. What I didn’t notice at the restaurant, was that when I was mixing my buttercream, I had actually overmixed it (classic mistake when trying to do ten things at once) and it had separated. So. Freaking. Annoying. Considering the time was now 6pm and I knew we’d take forever to actually decorate the damn thing I was starting to get a bit unhinged and frustrated with myself – especially because if there is one thing you will find in my fridge, it’s butter (and apparently bacon). So I quickly went to my corner store to pick up a pound of butter because I was too lazy to go all the way to the grocery store.

Well, that is the moment this post takes a very different turn from cake and icing and fun, to ‘Whoa, this bitch is crazy.’ I quickly ran in and asked the cashier abruptly if he had any butter, and sensing my fury he pointed me in the right direction. Usually I chat with him, ask him if he’s been busy and buy lottery tickets from him – I’m convinced I’m his only customer – he’s never busy – so the responsibility falls on me to sustain him and what I imagine are his four children and wife at home. That day I threw the money at him and ran. I quickly got back into my car and began to pull out to head home. Well, as I was reversing, to exit out of the north exit, a car was approaching to exit out the south entrance, I was already pulled out, but this asshole couldn’t wait two minutes for me to straighten out and kept driving towards me. He was probably middle aged and had his wife in the car along with another couple. So annoying. He was being such a jerk – like are you really trying to impress your loser wife and lame friends by being a jerk in a parking lot? And did you all just come from dinner from the lame neighborhood pub? Seriously, back the fuck off, I have a cake to decorate!

So, as I finally drove past him, I yell (through my window) “thanks for waiting you fucking asshole” and he has the audacity to give me a look, like I’m the crazy one, and the women in the car both make a face at me. Is this shit for real? It was so on (in my mind). Well, now I’m in a full rage (road and icing based) and peel out of the parking lots north exit and cut him off before he can turn out of the south exit – to be fair, I was actually on the road first – it probably helped that I was going 70km/hr, but whatever – these are small details. I was laughing to myself thinking ‘victory is mine. I sure showed him and his loser middle aged friends who hang out at lame pubs on a Saturday night” until I realized I’d made a fatal error in road rage etiquette. I was now in front of this jerk – there were four of them and one of me. I live a block away from the store. Panic quickly set in as I thought he began to follow me. I sped away but he was still following me (hindsight indicates to me that I was on the main road with about twenty exits, so it’s likely he was on his way back home as well). I wasn’t about to take any chances so I drove 10 minutes out of my way into a random block that was far enough away from my actual residence and even though he had turned off somewhere, pretty much two minutes into our drive back home, I really wanted to be sure the loser was gone.

Having finally returned to my house and hiding my car under the cover of my garage, I went back to the task at hand. My sister arrived shortly after and we decorated the cake, and in the end, it looked surprisingly good. I was in such a bad mood from my bad day that I didn’t even bother to take a picture (I know, I totally should have), but it was done and that was all I cared about.

The next night after my sister delivered the cake (I wanted nothing to do with it anymore) I got an email from the customer:

“RAVE REVIEWS from all on the wonderful birthday cake! Thank you to you and your sisters for making such a delicious dessert for my daughter to share with her guests. The teddy bears were a huge hit too - very cute & tasty. I was able to distribute business cards to many approving parents :-). We will call again soon for our next event.”

I was able to let out a huge sigh of relief – we were a success, and we might even get more gigs out of it! Next time, to prevent myself from potentially being on the six o’clock news though, I’ll be sure to have a stocked fridge before I begin.